Lose the WHY Word When Talking to Others
I am amazed that people use the “Why” word so often while talking with others. And, then get offended when the conversation becomes emotional driven. Stop using the why word – today. In the only time you can use this word is when you are talking to yourself.
What’s wrong with using WHY? The reason is simple. When asked “why” people feel they must justify their answer. This justification usually becomes defensive in nature since they are expecting you to tell them the reasons their answer is wrong! This places the situation in an emotional state and objectivity leaves the building.
Before using the why word, think about what you really want to know. Then ask a question that leads to the results that you want. Better starting terms to a question include: What reasons lead you to this decision? What factors were involved in this decision? When you made this decision, did you consider this…?
The reason the why word has become a problem is due to parents tendency to ask their kids during heated discussions – Why did you do this? Thus the start of being told what a bad decision this was. And the cycle is started. Whenever others use the why word – we immediately begin to justify our response.
Take time to think about what you doing and what outcome you want from your communication with others. It will make a difference. Show respect for the other person and they will show respect back. Think equals or in psychological terms – adult to adult – it makes a difference.
Voss Graham
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Tags: Communication, Effective communication skills, Questions for Action, Using Why
